Ask A Question

By Courtney Allen

I decided to try and find a common question that most people had about single parenting. While I was researching I found that the most common question was “How can I adjust?” or also asked, “How can I heal?” these questions can be answered differently for each and every different person. I decided that I would try and answer this question for those of you that would like to know, and use a way that you can possibly try and adapt for yourself.

Whether you have just gone through a divorce or if your spouse has died you will be going through many different feelings and trials in your life. Sure you might already know this so you are thinking, “Why am I being told what I already know” but I will be providing an example from research done on how you can move on and continue as a successful single parent.

If you lost you spouse because of a death….

Pamela Kruger wrote an amazing article about how a family went through the hardship of the loss of their father. She states in the article “Dealing with the loss of a soulmate is hard enough for any spouse, but doing so while helping your young children grieve is especially difficult” (Kruger, 2005). This family that Kruger talks about lost their father due to complications of deep vein thrombosis and took a great opportunity to change some of their feeling from negative to positive effects.

This family decided to volunteer for the Coalition to Prevent Deep Vein Thrombosis. In conclusion of her article Kruger states that the mother feels “though her children still have down moments, now they associate their father's name not only with sadness - but also with helping to save others' lives” (Kruger, 2005). Redirecting your grief and anger of your lost one can be a huge benefit to you and your children.

If you just survived a divorce….

I know you may be having a hard time dealing with the fact that you just had a divorce but you also need to remember how hard this may be on your child(ren). O matter if your husband was abusive, just not the right guy or for what ever the reason you divorced your child(ren) will still need your support through this. I found a journal written that dicussed some main concepts your children would like to know after a divorce. The authors stated “two components seem to be really important for children during the divorce process: the ability to construct meaning about their parents' decision to divorce and their feeling to count in the process of family transition” (Maes, Mol, & Buysse, 2012). The conclusion to this study was found to be that the child wants a good understanding of why there is/was a divorce and they also want to know that their feelings will matter in decisions and things that are going to happen.

Some other things you might want to try to help you heal could include:

             

                                    -Joining a community group / Support Group

                                    -Working on a Hobby

                                    -Exercising

                                    -Reaching out to others

                                    -Spending time with other adults

                                    -Take some kind of class

                                    -Meet new people

                                    -Find something to laugh at

                                    -Take your kids out

Remember you are always welcome to ask any of us questions! 

References:

Kruger, P. (2005). Strength After Loss. Child, 20(5), 108.

Maes, S. J., De Mol, J., & Buysse, A. (2012). Children's Experiences and Meaning Construction on Parental Divorce: A Focus Group Study. Childhood: A Global Journal Of Child Research, 19(2), 266-279.