Successful Single Parenting

By: Oliver

            Many people believe that individuals raised by a single parent, especially mothers who raise sons, are at a higher risk of having poor academics, lack of responsibility, and higher chances of getting into trouble. According to sociologist W. Bradford Wilcox, single parenting is worse than parents who are poor. He explains that the likelihood of becoming a pregnant teen and/or end up in jail increases with the lack of the other parent (Kripke, 2013).

            However, fatherhood expert Michael Lamb’s new research has poke holes into this notion that two parents are better than a single parent, when raising children. Moreover, what does President Barack Obama, Lance Armstrong, and Michael Phelps have in common, besides fame and attention from the media? If you have not guessed the correct connection between the three men, it is the fact that they were raised in a single-parent household (Jayson, 2008).

            Tim Biblarz, another fatherhood expert states, "Those who grow up with single mothers with adequate socioeconomic resources tend to do well. The children of poor single mothers are more at risk.” With a focus on the socioeconomics, Biblarz believes that many of the kids who find trouble do so from having a lack of economic stability. "What's important is not whether they are raised by one or two parents. It's how good is the relationship with the parent, how much support they're getting from that parent and how harmonious is the environment,” says Lamb (Jayson, 2008).

            With an understanding with the recent research above, single parenting families product successful children just like a two-parent family, if not better. In the paragraph above, Lamb states that the crucial component of successful children come from the relationship between the child and the parent (Jayson, 2008). Below is an outline of a report that helps single parents build those relationships by the following steps: (1) characteristics of successful single parenting and (2) how single parents can help their child adapt to the single-parent family (Duncan, 2010).

(1) Characteristics of Successful Parenting

• Accept responsibility: successful single parents accept the responsibilities and the challenges of parenting their children by themselves 
• Seek solutions to problems: without understating or overstating the difficulties, successful single parents find ways to make things work
• Recognize the difficulties: without self-pity or bitterness, successful single parents accept the sacrifices they will make for their children
• Make plans: successful single parents look to the future for their children and for themselves instead of wallowing in self-pity
•  Maintain traditions and routines: successful single parents carry on family holiday customs and traditions as well as day-to-day routines to provide stability for children
• Commit to the family: successful single parents make the family their highest priority and put the needs of their children first
• Create open communication: successful single parents encourage clear and open expression of thoughts and feelings with their children
• Encourage: successful single parents encourage their children to develop healthy relationships with their extended family members
• Make the most of time spent together: successful single parents know that quality time spent with their children is always better than buying more toys, clothes, or gadgets to make up for an absent parent

Also, be aware of problems that single-parent families face, that two-parent families may not…

• Helping children adjust to living with one parent in the case of divorce or death
• Visitation and/or custody arrangements
• Effects on the children of conflict between parents
• Decrease in the amount of time parents and children spend together

(2) How Can Single Parents Help Children Adapt to the Single-Parent Family?

In the case of divorce:

• Keep the children out of the dispute between the two of you
• Don’t have the children take messages to the other parent for you; communicate with your ex-spouse yourself
• Work to make visitation time pleasant for 
children
• Keep the other parent informed about and 
involved in the children’s activities, school 
progress, problems, etc.

In the case of death or temporary-yet-long- term separation (military assignment, for example):

• Talk and focus on the good and the bad of the one who was lost
•  Help your child form meaningful bonds with other family members (grandparents, uncles and aunts, older cousins) who can help to be role models
• Understand that everyone grieves and handles separation differently, so be patient and sympathetic
• Spend extra time with children to assure them that you will always be there for them
• Include the children in age-appropriate chores and decision-making at home to encourage voluntary cooperation from them
• Continue to require your children to behave according to your expectations; appropriate discipline is needed to maintain stability and continuity in the family

(Duncan, 2010)

           

In conclusion, single parenting can be done successfully and can result in a successful child. The characteristics listed above by Duncan, are similar to those that I displayed in my video, which was posted last week. Michael Kimmel, a sociologist and gender studies expert at Stony Brook University in New York, says the resident parent has a huge effect. "We see constantly children of single-parent families who thrive because the parents are so devoted because they're compensating for the absence of the other parent," says Kimmel (Jayson, 2008). Overall, single parenting is just another way to raise children. Though society has a strong belief of what is right and wrong on the raising of children, sociologist such as Lambs and Kimmel are proving that a child who is raised in a single parent family can be just as successful (or more) as kids who are raised in a two-parent family. 

President Barack Obama was largely raised by a single mother and his grandmother.

References 

Duncan, D. S. (2010). Successful Single Parenting. Buffalo: Parent Education Network.

Jayson, S. (2008, 08 08). Single moms' sons can succeed, new research shows. Retrieved 02 28, 2013, from USA Today: http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/nation/2008-08-27-single-moms-succeed_N.htm

Kripke, P. G. (2013, 1 3). It's Better To Be Raised by a Single Mom. Retrieved 2 27, 2013, from Slate http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2013/01/single_moms_are_better_kids_raised_by_single_mothers_are_sturdier.html