By: Oliver
I was talking to a few friends about this blog and I was asked a
very interesting question, “How do I go back to dating as a single parent when
I have children?” I felt that this is something many single parents and even non-single
parents wonder themselves. Come to think about, many people have the same
question, since dating affects everyone’s life in one way or another. If you
are reading this and want to know more about dating and you’re not a single
parent, I suggest visiting IntimiDating, which is a wonderful blog that is
linked in our tab “Blogs We Like.” However, if you are a single parent and
would like to know the answer dating with kids, then you are in right spot!
Just sit back, relax, and read on.
I came across a website, More4Kids,
which has a focus on parenting children, both on single and non-single
parenting tips and hints towards many things, such as dating. I will be using
the eight tips of how to date as a single parent with kids. Even though I am
covering these eight tips, does not mean these are the only tips in the world!
I encourage you to do additional research if you want more tips that what I
will cover (e.g. how to focus more on the kids, when it’s appropriate to start
dating, etc.). The tips on dating as a single parent are found everywhere,
which is why I felt this list does a great job covering the main points of
dating as a single parent.
Tip
#1 – Never Lie About Being a Parent
When you are dating, you want to make sure
that your date understands that you are first a parent. If you try to lie about
being a single parent, eventually the truth is going to come out. If they
aren't comfortable with this fact, then move on to someone else who can deal
with the fact that your priorities are your children.
Tip
#2 – Talk to Your Children
Talk to your kids and let them know you're
going out to enjoy some adult time with a good friend. At this point, this is
all your kids need to know. Keep it simple. Talk to them, but don't get into
too many details at this stage in the game.
Tip
#3 – Don't Introduce Dates Right Away – Take it Slow
Make sure you have spent a great deal of
time with this person in your life before you introduce them to your kids. When
you introduce them, it should only be for short periods of time. As things go
on, you can include that special person in your family life more and more. However,
you don't want them to get attached to your date only for you to break up
within a few months.
Tip
#4 – Don't Feel Guilty
Many single parents feel guilt when they
begin dating again. Eliminate that guilt. It's totally normal to crave some
time with other adults. Going out on dates doesn't mean that you are being a
bad parent or that you love your children any less. Going on a date is fine as
long as it doesn't get in the way of you caring for your children.
Tip
#5 – Avoid Talking About Your Ex
When you are dating as a single parent,
one important tip to remember is to avoid talking about your ex. Make sure you
are over your ex before you begin dating again. As things get more serious, avoid
making your date feel uncomfortable by complaining about your ex for the entire
date.
Tip
#6 – Be a Role Model in Your Relationship
As you are dating, make sure that you are
a role model in your relationship. Do you want your kids bringing home new dates
to stay overnight? If not, you need to avoid doing this yourself. You need to
set a good role model for the children in your home, especially when it comes
to the new relationship you are involved in.
Tip
#7 – Keep Safety in Mind
The most important things to keep in mind
is your safety and the safety of your children. Get to know people before
bringing them into your home. You never want to bring home anyone that may be a
safety risk to your children. This is why it is so important that you keep
safety in mind and avoid bringing any date home right away to meet the kids.
Tip
#8 – Listen to Your Children
Last, it is so important that you listen
to your children. When you just get out into the dating game again, it is easy
to look at a new date blindly. Once your date meets your kids, listen to what
your children have to say about your date. Often kids can offer some great
input and unique perspectives. If your child truly feels uncomfortable or
scared with your date, this is a good reason to break things off.
(Parents, 2013)
Reference:
Parents. (2013,
January 1). Single Parent Dating Tips. Retrieved March 29, 2013, from
More4Kids: http://www.more4kids.info/3449/single-parent-dating-tips/
Oliver,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your informative article. What great suggestions for anyone to follow. Especially about being safe and being honest. I have heard horror stories from my single friends about going out on a date and finding our that the person has lied to them about many thing(age, weight, height, you name it). This is becoming more common with dating websites. I hope that more people will see your post.
I especially appreciate the tips that mention communicating with your children. My niece had a hard whenever her mom started dating someone.Her mom started talking to her about it more and it seemed to really help calm my nieces nerves.Great tips!
ReplyDeleteThese are great tips, I especially like the one about being a role model. We forget how sometime are actions speak louder than our words, we might tell our children not to so something, but then we might actually be doing that we are telling them not to do!
ReplyDelete-Kamille
I absolutely loved this post because I felt that it was extremely informative and interesting. I do not have children but I think this has great advice for my friends who are single moms and enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteMackenzie Parkin
I especially liked your last tip about asking your children about your dates. Children have a gift that adults don't have and that is brutal honesty. Great way to really see what somebody is like. Loved the post.
ReplyDeleteOliver, Well written. Dating as a single parent is tricky! There are so many factors to consider that weren't an issue before: Do we like each other? Does he like my kids? Do my kids like him? Do I like his kids? Do his kids like me? Can we tolerate the ex-spouses? I agree that #3 is especially important. Break-ups are hard. If at all possible, children shouldn't have to experience that.
ReplyDeleteHi Oliver,
ReplyDeleteI really like this post and think that this is great advice. However, from my strengthening families class, I did learn that one positive thing to do is to talk about your ex... I mean, not ALL the time, but at least to have a conversation about your dreams and aspirations for the previous relationship. Sure, you don't want to have a huge dialogue about it, but it is something you can talk about it a little bit at a time.
But why should you even talk about this kind of stuff if you've already "moved on"? Dr. Herrin said that it is a way to get to know your partner better--you learn more about them, somehow incorporate their previous dreams into your current relationship. That's just a tidbit of advice... especially when the grieving process is over for a previous relationship, you can move on with another or current relationship... And I also think that it is a way to acknowledge how much your previous spouse has affected you (whether for good or bad).